Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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