Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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