Porn is love you can see.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
