6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
