Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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