I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
