im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
