i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
