Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
