is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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