He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
