Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
