Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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