she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
