12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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