We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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