i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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