I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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