and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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