For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
