it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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