i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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