Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize