I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
