There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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