Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
