forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
