Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
