I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize