just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
