Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
