Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
