i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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