can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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