So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize