I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
