I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
