Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
