Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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