We got so high we made milksteak
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize