That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize