problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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