Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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