His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
