he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
