How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
