Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
