He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
