I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
