You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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