I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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