I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
