Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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