Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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