If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
