Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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