bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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