ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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