I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
