I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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