Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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