i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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