Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize