Pappa wants mamma naked
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
