Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
