At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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