The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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