dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How naked do you want me to be?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
