Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
