You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
