when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
