my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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