I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
