yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
